Stuck in the Middle
by RegalMonster
Summary: A fan meeting Lana turns out a little different than she expected... Both of their worlds turn upside down. How are their friends and families going to react to this sudden change of their lives? As their relationship starts to develop around love (?), guilt and necessary companionship, how long will this last?
1. Need to get this off my chest

I am resting in bed and I should actually be studying right now, but somehow I just can't find the power inside me to do so. My mind keeps going back to the convention in Paris... I figured it might be a good fanfiction, so here goes nothing.

Note 1: I speak Dutch which is my first language, I then learned French so I guess that's kind of like my second language and then comes English. What I am trying to tell you guys is that there might be some issues concerning vocabulary or grammar. Feel free to tell me about it when you are reading this.

Note 2: Later on the main character (Maria) will meet Fred, which will not be a good experience. I do not believe Fred is like this, it's just fiction. It's based on a dream I had a while ago and I kept playing with the idea in my mind. Without spoiling a lot: I love Flana, I like Fred a lot (since he makes Lana happy), so really this is not how I picture Fred AT ALL! Please don't hate me for my approach to Fred on this one.

Note 3: I am into girls. If you are not into lesbian relationships, please don't read nor comment on my sexuality!

Note 4: Writing is a very emotional thing for me and it costs me a lot of effort and time, so please be gentle with me. This is my first published work thing..

Thank you to the people who are reading and all the people from my SwanQueen chat on Messenger for helping me with advice and just for loving me the way I need to be loved


	2. Flash forward

I am very scared to meet Lana for the second time. After what happened last time I saw her, in Paris, I don't know what she is going to do when she sees me again. I am feeling totally uncomfortable when I get closer to her. She sees me, I know she recognizes me. I can see it in her eyes. I close my jacket to give me some protection. When I get to her, I see her looking at me. I lean over the table and whisper: "We need to talk". She looks at me in total disbelief and shock. She grabs my hand and takes me out of the room, following by a booing sound coming from some people in line.

"I believe we do, dear, I believe we do..."


	3. Chapter 1

After months of waiting and counting down the days, the day of going to Paris is finally there. Tomorrow I am meeting my heroin, Lana Parrilla. That's why I'm driving down Paris. The convention I have been waiting for all those months starts tomorrow. I still can't believe it! Paris is a 4,5-hour drive, but I don't really bother driving anyways and I am so extremely excited.

My parents don't know I'm doing this, they told me I wasn't allowed. But as badass as I am, I just went anyways. I need to meet my biggest idol. My music is playing on shuffle and when I'm almost at my hotel, my favorite song comes on. "The Cure", by Lady Gaga. This song has my SwanQueen-shipping heart beating. At first, I thought only gay people like myself were shipping SQ, but I recently found out that some straight people do too.

With my mind replaying sassy-Regina stuff the entire time, the drive is indeed over in a flash. I arrive at my hotel and go to the front desk. I'm a bit nervous, because I've never done this by myself ever before. I ask for my room, I show the nice lady my passport and she hands me the key. My room is at the first floor. I gather my stuff and go there. The room is small. It's a one-person bedroom, with a small bathroom. The cheapest I could find and yet not so far from the convention. The bed seems a bit hard, but who cares? I open my suitcase and I decide to take a shower before heading out for some food. I saw a little Italian restaurant on my way here, so I'll just go and grab a pizza there after I went for the check-in at the convention.

After I am cleaned up (I'm still sweating like hell because of the excitement), I put on some normal clothes. I check my phone and see some SQ-shippers had messaged me. I'm so excited to meet some of them tomorrow and maybe even today.

I will head to the hotel of the convention today, to get my pass. That might make the trip there tomorrow a little less stressful and difficult... I will take the RER and it will take about 20 minutes.

I feel lost to do this by myself. I check my phone as a habit, but then I realize I'm not in Belgium. I should turn on the roaming on my phone. The roaming is free now, but I still have to turn it on. Since this trip is already expensive enough, I'm glad I don't have to waist money on something unnecessary. I check if I have everything I need for the millionth time. My passport, tickets and money didn't get up and leave this time either. I feel relieved. When I get out of the station, I look around and I hear some people talking about the Captain Swan wedding. I decide to just follow them to see where they are going. I end up next to a lake. It looks like a fairytale on its own. This big huge hotel catches my eye and I am just stunned. It feels like I am living a dream. It takes some looking around but I end up where I am supposed to be. I do the check-in and I get my pass. I am a villain this weekend!

I decide to go back to the hotel and to Italian restaurant I saw.

It's already quite late when I return from the restaurant. I had the most delicious pizza ever. I chose pizza "Regina", because I found it fitting. I decide to get up to bed and just try to sleep. Tomorrow will be one hell of a day...


	4. Chapter 2

I get up, grateful the breakfast starts so early. I'm one of the only ones there, but that doesn't bother me. I try to eat as much as I can, but my stomach doesn't want to work with me today. That doesn't even surprise me. Stress always reduces my appetite.

I go back to my room and take off the sweatpants that I put on to get breakfast. I wasn't going to let my beautiful black dress being ruined by my lack of hand-eye coordination. I look in the mirror on the wall. I looked okay enough. I put on my make up just the way I normally do.

I know that I should leave now. I am taking the same RER line to the hotel of the convention. It will take me less than 30 minutes because of the fact I have already done this. I am still confused when I get there. At least I'm glad I speak French. I would have been totally lost without speaking the language. French people are not always so open about tourists, speaking their language helps a lot.

The RER ride takes longer than yesterday because of the feelings I have. As we get closer to the hotel (near Disneyland), I get more excited. Even more than I already was. My heart starts shaking. I am so glad I know where to go. I check the schedule I got yesterday. Lana's panel starts in 30 minutes. I am happy I'm early and I know my seat number. I'm on seat number I41, not really in the back but yeah, fair enough.

I start talking to my neighbor, she speaks French. I rather talk in English or Dutch, but I am just glad I have someone to speak with at this moment. I need to focus on something else... When the people that are hosting get on stage everyone becomes quiet for a moment. When they realize they're just talking about rules and stuff like that, they start talking again, I, on the other hand, stay quiet and listen to those people who explain things that I wasn't sure about. One of the rules: no filming, would be really forced onto everyone. Who films will get a warning and if they keep filming, they will be sent away. A couple minutes later they announce Lana and the other cast members. The room filled itself with cheering, screams and clapping noises. I find myself completely fangirling over Lana's presence. After a quick word by every actor, they leave Lana on stage and she starts answering questions. Afterwards I cannot remember anything but Lana's incredible beauty. She was just there... so close to me... In a couple of hours, I am going to meet her... It still sounds surreal...

The other panels are awesome and I decide to just hang out with a couple of cosplayers and a couple friends I met through Facebook. The row is long and I will only get my picture in the afternoon. We decide to go and eat at McDonalds. It is so incredibly awesome to have so many people to fangirl about Lana and about Once Upon a Time. It is just somehow where I belong, even though I know I will never see them again. I find myself getting attached to them on a whole new level: this is my family now.

When we get back for the afternoon panel, I'm leaving my newfound friends to go to my seat again. They do not sit near me because they have different passes. The afternoon panel includes Rebecca Mader and some other guests... I am only looking forward to her, the others don't matter much to me...

After the panel, I am waiting in line to actually meet Lana for the first time ever...

I am still trying to comprehend this...

I am going to meet Lana fucking Parrilla...


	5. Chapter 3

The line for my photo'op isn't long. I have bought a duo with Emilie de Ravin and Lana Parrilla. To be honest just because Lana's solo pictures were sold out, so was WickedQueen (which I totally ship, next to SwanQueen) and DragonQueen. I had my picture with Kristin just before this one and I was still impressed by her beauty. I didn't think she was that beautiful until I met her in person. I think I might start shipping DragonQueen from now on... Makes me feel even worse about my duo with Emilie. Someone with a walkie-talkie starts talking in that thing which breaks my wave of thoughts.

Apparently, we are waiting for Emilie, who's not there yet. Lana is waiting, she says and asks the person on the receiving end to hurry up.

Then she comes out of a door. The moment I first see her so close is one I will never forget in my life, I promise myself this. This woman is gorgeous. I put my weight to a wall and I just stare at her face. I just can't believe this is happening. There are two people in front of me... or well actually: one and a half. A little girl and her mother. Lana interacts with the little girl and I just fall deeper and deeper for Lana.

She then looks at me and something clicks. Her smile is just gorgeous and I feel like I'm smiling back like some lunatic. I don't give a damn. I take her beauty in, I look at the way she smiles and when she turns to Emilie and breaks eye-contact, I feel like I am going to faint. They start taking pictures and the little girl goes up to Lana and Emilie. I just can't seem to shake this feeling of euphoria and to be fair, I don't want to. Then it finally is my turn and I cling to Lana. I hardly notice Emilie and I just wrap my arms around Lana and tell her how extremely beautiful she is. She holds me in return and Emilie just stands there. Lana looks in my eyes one last time before taking the picture. I thank her and I release her hand I unconsciously grabbed. I feel like I am leaving my true love behind.

Only when I return to the main hall and take my seat, I realize how extremely rude I was to Emilie and it starts bothering me. I pull myself together because in a couple of hours I have my autograph with Lana.


	6. Chapter 4

I am not feeling well at all... I almost fainted about 3 times already. Maybe it's stress or maybe it's something else. I don't know. Standing is hard on me, so I waited for the last call to go to Lana's autograph session. As I arrive, they ask me who I came for (there are two autograph rooms with different actors in them). I tell them I was queueing for Lana. They tell me to go to the other room.

As my head starts spinning again, I grab onto a wall. The person I just spoke to comes running to me: "Are you all right?" he asks. "Yeah, fine... Just a little bit of stress, I guess". He looks at me with hesitation: "... Okay, but just make sure you take care of yourself. But you have to start moving, the last call was made almost 15 minutes ago!"

As I hear this, I try to stand up and hurry (as fast as I can with those feelings) to Lana's autograph room. As I am telling another employee that I am here for Lana they tell me I am just in time. Lana's line is reduced to 5 people (included me). Julie (Lana's manager, for those who don't know her. I didn't before the con...) looks at me in surprise and says: "Look who decided to show up!" I smile weakly at her comment and grab on to the wall for some support. Julie raises a brow but doesn't comment on this. The person before me is talking to Lana when Julie takes my book and askes my name. I show my pass and weakly say 'Maria'. When the girl in front of me leaves, Julie informs Lana that I am the last one for today. I smile at Lana as much as I can and we talk a little about Regina's outfit and hairstyle. She comments on me looking so pale: "Are you all right? It looks like you just saw a ghost or something?"

"I... I'm not... not exact... exactly... feeling well..." I say before everything turns black.


	7. Chapter 5

When I awake, I see two blurry faces above my head. It felt like something hit my head, hard. I hear a voice that sounds like it's coming from an angel, even though she seems to argue. "I can't leave her here, now can I?" Another voice answers, this one is, unlike the other, very raw: "She's a fan, dear. You can't do that. People will talk!" "So they will talk about how I helped a fan after she fainted, I can't see how that's so wrong" "But..." "She's waking up!" the angelic voice shushes the other.

I regain my sight as I blink a couple times. I don't seem to have drawn attention since I only two faces. After a couple of blinks, I realize those two people that were talking were Lana and Julie. I grin because I have mistaken Lana's voice for an angel. I instantly regret this as it hurts my head.

"Are you okay? Are you here with a friend or someone else?" I shake my head, hurting too much to answer. "So you're alone", Lana asks again. I nod.

I am now able to check my surroundings. I'm still in the autograph room, but on the floor. I think I am lucky this didn't happen with other actors in here. I'm glad it's just me, Lana and Julie.

Lana asks if I'd feel comfortable to come with her so she would be sure that I am safe. Julie at the same time tries to prevent Lana from saying this. I doubt, look at both women and I carefully nod. "Only if I'm not causing trouble", I say weakly. Lana beams at my words, probably glad I regained my ability to speak. "Of course not, I just need to be sure nothing like this happens when no one is around", she says as if it is the most natural thing on earth. "Now Julie, could you help me get her on her feet again?" Lana asks with her head slightly tilted towards Julie, her eyes still stuck on me with a worried look in them.

_Gosh she looks beautiful_. I try to block my thoughts, since Lana is clearly concerned about my wellbeing. And how rude would it be if I keep picturing her naked while she tries to help me.

Those thoughts make my eyes turn slightly wet. Julie and Lana both take a hand of mine and pull me to my feet on the count of three. When I'm on my feet, Julie lets go but Lana doesn't. I find support in her as she guides my arm to her shoulders. I am now resting on her. Lana looks tired now I see her even closer. Lana says to Julie that she is taking me to her hotel room. I try to walk as much as possible. When I stumble, Lana catches me. She takes me to a door, my head too focused on comprehending what is happening to notice where we were going. There's a black car waiting and a young man holding the door open. When he sees us, he runs over to assist Lana. Lana only states that the two of us will be going to her hotel room and asks him to help me in the car.

The drive didn't take long, Lana looks at me with concern in her eyes occasionally. I try not to notice it too much, but it warms my heart. Lana places a hand on my leg and our eyes meet. She seems even more tired now and she probably notices the tears in my eyes because her eyes show even more concern than two minutes ago.

"It'll be all right, don't worry..." I hear before my eyes close and I slowly drift off.


	8. Chapter 6

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hey... we're here... Wake up..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I open my eyes, again confused when I don't immediately notice where I am. Lana's still sitting next to me in the car and the driver stands next to the opened door on my side. Lana smiles at my opened eyes and she touches my cheek for a second. "I'll help you get out." "Thank you", I mumble. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When we're both out of the car, which seemed to be a bigger task for me than for her, we go to her hotel room. Lana convinced the driver she would be able to handle me on her own and sent him away. In the elevator, my head rests on her shoulder and she holds me tightly. "Careful, darling, we're here." She leads me to the room and struggles a little with the key. She seems to look around for a second and she sighs from relief. Or at least I think she did. I don't know what the hell is going on so I'm not really in any place to be drawing conclusions on Lana's behavior. I kept mumbling my gratitude to Lana when she helps me into bed. She takes my head in her hands and told me it was quite all right, that I didn't ask for this either. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I attempt to pull my shirt over my head and get frustrated when it doesn't work. Lana assists me. I feel like I am having an extremely good dream. She offers me a shirt of hers to sleep in. I don't want that but she insists. She also gives me pain medication. I fall asleep right after that./span/p 


	9. Chapter 7

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I wake up again. Lana's sleeping at the other end of the bed. I feel a lot better already, probably thanks to Lana's great care. I have to pee though, so I try to quietly look for the bathroom. I found it and I click the lights on and close the door quietly. I look at myself in the mirror after I put my pants back on. I look like shit, with my make-up half gone and I do look pale as hell. I decide to clean my face and dry it with some toilet paper. I decide that using one of her towels would be considered rude. I look at the mirror again and feel a lot better, mainly because I look better. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I return to the room, I see I woke Lana up. She's reading a book with the nightlights on. "Hey, you look better", she says when she glares at me over the top of her book. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"She puts the book on the nightstand next to the bed. She pets the bed to invite me back. "Thanks, Lana... I mean, really thank you... I feel a lot better, maybe I should just leave. I don't want to keep you from your sleep." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'd like you to stay here. We can talk for a moment if you wish..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you sure? Because I am more than willing to go back to my hotel room. I mean I need my clothes and all that anyways so... Isn't it better for me to leave?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Come here, you silly. You're freezing", she seems to be the first to notice I was trebling. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"With her words, I come to realize how cold I am. I shiver. She says: "You see, now get back here"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I finally listen to her and get back in bed next to her. "So," Lana says: "tell me something about yourself. Starting with your name since I can't seem to remember it if I'm honest..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""My name's Maria"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana laughs: "Like my middle name?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I smile at her but it quickly fades: "Yeah, seems to be the only thing my parents got right..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana frowns: "What do you mean?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sigh: "I'm sorry I brought it up..." Lana just looks at me with an encouraging smile. Her eyes being so full of trust. I decide to tell her: "My parents don't exactly know I am here. I lied to them about spending a weekend with a friend of mine. They don't agree on stuff they don't find normal... They don't get me at all. I just..." Tears start falling down my cheeks as my voice breaks. "I'm sorry", I whisper while my voice cracks again and I look away. /span/p 


	10. Chapter 8

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""No, no, dear", she says while whipping away my tears and turning my face to look at her: "you don't have to say sorry"./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm just... It's just... Things don't usually work out for me. And here I am, in the hotel room of someone I admire so much and being sick and I just can't share this with anyone... I can't believe you cared enough to take me here in the first place... But I am so grateful... I had nowhere else to go" I cry through the last part and try not to let my speech be affected by it. Lana's eyes look teary too. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"She starts speaking: "I don't know why I did it, to be honest. I just... You seemed so lost... I couldn't just let you stay there and just hope you wouldn't get into trouble. Lots of stuff could happen to a young girl walking alone at night". Her eyes seem to get a bit darker and clouded for a moment. "I just didn't want anything to happen to you. Now that I hear this, I am even more grateful that I listened to whatever power told me to take you with me". /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I smile at her and the time seems to stand still for just a little moment, this seems so sweet and yet so wrong. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Without realizing I am leaning forwards and I feel Lana was doing the same, I don't get very much time to think but it felt so right. I couldn't lean back and let Lana fall. Incoherent thoughts were racing through my mind as I feel soft lips brush against my own. For a moment, I don't even know what air is or how to breathe. Lana cupped my right cheek with her hand and deepened the kiss. Then, next thing I know I am pushed down on my back and Lana is above me kissing my neck. I have never ever allowed someone to kiss me there. But somehow this feels right and it makes me purr. In the heat of the moment I slide my right hand under the top of her PJ's. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"As my head starts clearing and I almost realize what I am doing, we hear the door click. We are not quick enough to back away from each other and we get caught./span/p 


	11. Chapter 9

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"Fred is looking right at us. His eyes spit fire. He tries to walk up to us but he doesn't succeed. He hardly succeeds to wobble towards us. He calls Lana a whore and tries to hit her. He doesn't accomplish it because I pull her closer and try to push him away. Then, his eyes fall on me. He calls me a whore too and this time he manages to hit one of us. I am glad it is me. I feel his flat hand land on my cheek. I push Lana away this time, trying to get her out of this situation./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"I have no idea what's gotten into me because all I can think of is getting Lana into a safe place. My movement to get Lana away gives Fred great access to my hair. His face is in mine when he calls me the most horrible things. He smells like bad alcohol and vomit. I try to turn my face away from him which results in a harder pull on my hair/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"I groan in pain this time, which makes Lana try to get me out of there. Fred hits her this time. "No!" I scream. "I was going to sleep with my wife when I got home, but you tried to beat me to it, didn't you", Fred says, his speech a little incoherent: "So maybe I'll just make you pay for what you did"./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"At that point, it gets clear what's going to happen. He lets go of my hair and hits my face again. A slapping resounds through the room. Lana reaches for her phone next to Fred but he will not stand for it. He smashes it into the ground and it breaks in a million pieces. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"I start crying thinking this is all my fault and Lana will hate me forever.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"I beg Lana to go find help. I need her to leave. Lana promises she'll find help and flees the room to leave me alone... Alone with Fred who already managed to get me out of my (well, Lana's) PJs. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"When he covers my mouth with his hand, I realize I have been begging him to stop. He spits in my face and tells me to be quiet. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"Suddenly Fred's pants are flying through the room and I notice he's not wearing anything anymore. It's like I'm paralyzed. I can't do anything to stop him and I hope Lana will be back with help soon. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"emspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"Maybe she won't come back/span/emspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;". The idea just echoes through my mind and it makes my crying even worse. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"I feel something hard against my core but I can't get myself to look down, in fear of what it will be. I know I am not stupid and I know what it is... I just can't get myself to look down to verify my thoughts. Not seeing it makes me able to hope it isn't true. Fred's face goes down. He takes my left nipple in his mouth and bites hard. I scream out of pain which results in another slap in my face. I realize I should be quiet so he won't hit me again. My face hurts like hell. Fred's face goes down again and bites my other nipple. It hurts more than the first time. I whimper in pain but I don't scream, scared of his reaction. He is going to hurt me... /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: NL;"I feel all alone and every second that passes makes me doubt more whether Lana will ever come back to save me./span/p 


	12. Chapter 10

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He runs his rough fingers down my body to his length and painfully forces his way inside my folds. I cry out for help but he silences me with his other calloused hand. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel him press himself fully inside me. He keeps thrusting aggressively in and out, over and over again. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I never went further with anyone than just a couple of minutes ago with Lana. I don't know how this should feel, but I hope it's not this. This hurts so much. I want to leave, I want to scream, I want to cry but I know that anything will only result in Fred punching me again so it hurts even more. I can't believe this is happening nor that only a couple minutes ago, I was in Lana's arms feeling safe. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I decide I will never ever be able to feel that same thing again. I try so hard not to think about what I am feeling, seeing and hearing. His moaning is just gross and all I want to do is escape. It hurts, tears are still running down my face and I just... I don't know... /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"He speeds up to a point where I feel like my vagina is going to burn off. I am relieved when Fred removes himself from me and gets off of my body after he released himself inside me without a care./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana entered the room while Fred came inside me. I stand up and try to escape the room. I see some people stand behind Lana but I only see her concerned and terrified face. I cover my body with my hands and make my way to the bathroom, legs shaking and teeth chattering with fear./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's over... It's over... /span/emspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I keep telling myself to try to comfort myself./span/p 


	13. Chapter 11

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I get turn around in the bathroom, I break down completely. I feel gross. I can't explain what I think nor feel. I don't know what to do. And what I can't believe is that Lana didn't come back until that last moment. It might not have been so long, but still... It feels like it took hours. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I get up from the floor, where my legs neglected their duty of keeping me standing. I turn on the shower right before I hear some banging on the door./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Maria?! Are you in there? Are you okay?" I hear a terrified voice ask me. I just can't find the force to answer. "Baby, I'm so sorry... I am so incredibly sorry. I just... I couldn't... I mean..." Lana breaks down in tears. Hearing this makes my sobbing worse. "I understand if you don't want to talk right now... Just... I need to talk to you about this..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I get under the shower, I still hear what she's saying but I still can't get myself to answer. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I... I will just give you some space... I need to get to the convention. I will leave you a key to the hotel room and I will leave you some clothes. I will also tell the driver he has to come back and drive you wherever you want. I hope I will see you soon and again... I am so very sorry..."/span/p 


	14. Chapter 12

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"My crying dies out after what seemed like forever. I leave the shower. I feel like I scrubbed my skin off. Everything hurts and there are marks all over my body. I open the door carefully to double check if Fred surely isn't there anymore. I am so relieved the room is empty. I hate it that I am naked. I need to wear some clothes. I see Lana left some in front of the door, which I am thankful for. I put them on. I also find a pair of shoes of hers. I cannot find mine right now, so I put on hers. The shoes I find are those she wore yesterday. I flashback to the moment I saw her come on stage. I can't believe how much has happened./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I see a post-it on the door: "Maria, here's the number of the driver, he's supposed to be waiting in the lobby. He will drive you anywhere you want, just tell him where to go. He won't ask questions." Next to that I find another one: "This is my number. Call me when you are ready". Both post-its include phone numbers./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I take them from the door and see my backpack and my jacket are next to the door. I notice she put my clothes in a bag next to the bed. I decide to leave them there. I don't need that reminder right now. I take the key she left on the door and everything else and head to the door./span/p 


	15. Chapter 13

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The driver is indeed waiting for me and heads towards me in the lobby. I get scared for only a second, but then I recognize him. He says hello and asks where I want to go. I ask his name before I answer any questions. His name is Thomas. I give him the address to my hotel after greeting him too and telling him my name. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We arrive at his limo and he opens the door for me. He doesn't speak to me and we arrive at my hotel in 10 minutes./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I go inside the hotel and Thomas promises to wait for me. I get into my room and look at what I'm wearing. I decide that I look cute in Lana's clothes. Yet I still decide to dry my hair and straighten it. Thomas had said he would wait as long as necessary, but I still want to hurry a little. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I look at myself as I put on make-up. I look good enough behind a mask of make-up. I don't feel safe, I don't even recognize the girl in the mirror./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Next thing I do is check my phone, I finally see the time, it's only 8:15AM. I have no idea when everything happened nor how long I slept nor how long everything took. I just feel like shit, but can you blame me? /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I get back to the limo I am relieved to see Thomas is still there. He opens the door for me again and I slide in. It almost seems familiar and I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a good thing./span/p 


	16. Chapter 14

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I ask Thomas to take me to the convention. He tells me that it's no problem at all. He hands me an envelope and tells me Lana has ordered him to give it to me. So, asking him what it is won't help. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel kind of bad that Lana spends money on me and lets her driver drive me around. Normally it would bother me more than it does now, because I am just glad I have the company. The morning panel probably already started, but I don't exactly care. I have bigger problems. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The first panel is with Michael, Robbie and Giles. The driver drops me off at the entrance where Bobby and Emilie stand. Security is coming towards me and I hide behind Thomas who came out of the car too. He whispers something to the security guys and they let me pass. I cling to Thomas' arm when Bobby looks at me and arches his brow. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanEmilie walks towards us but seems to hesitate when she looks at Thomas. I pull on his arm and stop. Emilie stops hesitating and walks up to us. She rubs my back and asks me if I'm okay. I freeze under her touch. She pulls back as if I was on fire. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm sorry", I say when she looks at me with big eyes. "She's had a rough couple of days", Thomas adds with a reassuring smile to Emilie./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Emilie just smiles for a second. "Thomas, I'll just take her with me. You don't have to do this." Emilie reaches out for my hand. I hesitate for a split second before I take it. She pulls me closer and we walk inside the building. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Emilie and I talk about our picture yesterday. I was bummed about our pose being screwed up. She offers to take a picture with me now. I look at her in disbelief and say I'd love that. I pull out my phone and realize it's dead. I'm glad I brought my powerbank. I pull that out. Emilie grabs her own phone and takes a picture. "I'll send it to you; do you have Twitter?" "Yeah I do, it's RegalMonster." "I'll send it in DM."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I smile at her and realize she's such an adorable person. She tells me Lana's in her room and she offers to take me there. I ask her how she knows I was going to see Lana. "You came with Thomas, her driver." "Oh...", I said: "I'll see her later... I'm going to the panel now." "Okay, I'll leave you then."br /"Thank you Emilie, it means a lot that you care. Really, thank you for everything, you made me feel way better." "No problem, just take care of yourself."/span/p 


	17. Chapter 15

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel like I'm dreaming. I can't tell if it's a nightmare neither if I wish if it didn't happen. I mean, I am still feeling horrible about what happened with Fred, don't get me wrong. But still I met Lana, I slept in a bed with her and I just took a selfie with Emilie. I feel bad that I feel this way./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I arrive at the panel and the boys on stage are clearly having fun. I pull out the envelope from my bag and feel glad that the people around me didn't show up. I see my name on the envelope with a heart next to it. I open it carefully. It has two things inside it. A ticket for a solo photo option and a necklace. It's my own, but it's broken. It's my golden cross. I put it back and look at the photo'op ticket. She just wants to check up on me. I'm quite glad, actually. It feels weird to feel cared about. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I look at the program and see the photo'op is the next thing on the program. I am not able to talk to her before so, I'll do it afterwards. Someone sits down next to me and asks me where I got my shoes. I look down and see Lana's shoes she wore yesterday. The person talking to me is wearing a Long Live the Queen t-shirt, so she's clearly an Evil Regal. "I... I bought them at a store when I was in South-Africa." The excuse came fast. If I told her I bought them online, she was going to ask where. If I told her I bought them at home, she might be Dutch too, so I made up the most perfect excuse in minimum time. The girl looked disappointed and left. I put the envelope back in my bag and put the ticket with my pass. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I cannot wait until I see Lana again, even though I am quite scared.../span/p 


	18. Chapter 16

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I am in line for a couple photo'ops I have. I have a picture with Rebecca Mader, Emilie de Ravin and Giles Matthey. And of course, I also have that ticket for Lana. I decide to go to Giles first, since the line is not so long. Yesterday I saw a girl do an awesome pose with him, which looked totally awesome. She held her hands up in a gun, so did he and they stood back to back. So, I decided to do the same. He winks at me and I get scared so I decide to just leave as soon as possible. Next up is Rebecca Mader. Rebecca looks like an angel and I wanna have a pose which I thought through too. I wanted us to do the Wicked sign together. After the picture, I hug and thank her. I hope I will see her again. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"I mean, it's not like I have any weird kind of hope that I might stay with Lana again and meet the cast or something... Okay... Maybe I do.../em/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's weird... I feel like I should be with her. When it's almost my turn to go on my picture with Lana, I see her face light up. She half-smiled at me. I smile back. The next person wraps her arms around Lana and Lana does the same thing back. A huge, horrible, painful feeling of jealousy speeds through my body. There are two more people in front of me and I see them do the same thing. When it's my turn, Lana asks the person who's directing everything to make me wait 'til the last moment. I sigh because I am not feeling like watching way too many people wrapping their arms around her. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Jealousy sucks./em /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sit down next to the lady who rips the little papers from the tickets. I pull out my phone and start playing Candy Crush Saga. I also write a couple of messages to people who messaged me. After a couple of minutes, the lady says to Lana that I'm the only one left./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I stand up and Lana hugs me. "Are you okay?", Lana whispered. I nodded in our embrace. She asked for at least two pictures to the camera man. We make an Evil Regal picture, one where we make a heart together and one where I kiss her on the cheek. For real. She asked the photographer to print two of each. He looked at us with a frown but agreed. She took my hand and we walked somewhere, I let her lead me. "Are you feeling well?", she asks awkwardly. I can hardly contain the tears that are on its way. I grab onto her arm tightly and a tear falls down my cheek, on her arm. She wipes it away with the back of her hand. When we arrive at her room, she lets me sit down and goes to get me a bottle of water. She sits down next to me and makes me drink something. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"She kisses my cheek while I keep crying. "I... I... Are you mad at me?" "I was about to ask you the same thing, Maria..." "Me? Why would I be mad at you?" "Because you might blame me for what happened... I mean, if I didn't take you to the hotel with me, this would have never happened..." br /"I don't want to talk about it, Lana. I'm sorry but I can't." "But you should... You have to... I mean, please talk to me?" "I can't..." I say, I get up and leave the room. Lana wasn't going to let this rest. "No, Maria, please don't leave, I need you and I think we..." That was all I could hear before I closed the door and walked away./span/p 


	19. Chapter 17

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The convention ends for me with a lot of autographs I still had to get and the closing ceremony is apparently split into two or three parts... I am not sure, only picked up the last part. Lana is on stage at the moment and she's having her speech. I stand close to the stage and I feel her eyes rest on me for a little too long. I hear her say how awesome she thinks it is everyone came here and she hoped everyone had a good time. She looks at me in an apologetic way. She keeps her eyes on me when she says she will remember this weekend forever and she will miss 'us'. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel tears running down my face for what feels like the millionth time. She has tears in her eyes as well. The rest of the closing ceremony goes as is usual for a closing ceremony (or so I heard) and we end with singing "A Happy Beginning". It makes my tears wetter than they already were. It was like Lana was singing directly to me.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When it ends, I decide to take out my phone and call Thomas and ask if he can make Lana wait in the limo for me. I still need to get a picture that got lost and he promises me he will tell Lana I want her to wait for me./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I finally get my picture, I see Thomas texted me telling me where they were waiting. I feel relieved and yet again scared for Lana's reaction. I didn't leave her too well.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Deeply into thought, I almost forget to look where I am going and almost run over Bex. "You're not supposed to be here, young lady..." "I... I'm sorry... I...", I stumble. "It's okay Bex, she's with me", I hear Lana's voice overrule my stumbling. "Oh", Bex says with a wondering voice: "is this..." "Maria", Lana says before Bex could say anything else: "are you coming or not?" I nod and walk towards Lana. I slide my hand into hers and smile back at Bex over my shoulder who still looks at us in utter disbelief./span/p 


	20. Chapter 18

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana takes me to my hotel room, she stated she wasn't going to take me back to that room ever again. I hugged her to that statement. I feel like I am in the right place at the right moment for once in my life. But still... I realize I have no idea what Lana's intentions are. I mean, we did kiss each other, but I still don't really know if she got stuck in the moment or... I just try not to think about it, until Lana slides her hand in mine when we get into the elevator. We are alone and no one can see us here. Our eyes lock together. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Just as I feel she's about to say something, the elevator stops and she lets go. A man and a young boy get in. We just awkwardly stand still and don't say a word. We don't even make eye contact. When we get to our floor, I step out and Lana follows me. When we get to our room, I type in the code to open the door. I have to do it twice since Lana's presence makes me nervous. She slips into the room and sighs loudly while she sits down on the edge of my bed. I join her./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm so glad the convention is finally over. Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome thing to do but it's so tiring". She looks at me with doubt in her eyes. Before she gets the chance to open her mouth again and make me uncomfortable again, I take my chance to talk: "I am glad you came here, Lana. I do want to get to know you better, but I have one condition. I don't want to talk about what has happened. I am not ready and I really hope you respect that."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana opens her mouth to speak but I interfere: "Wait, I want to tell you something before you say something. I have never and will never blame you for what happened. I love you, you're my idol. How can I blame someone so perfect? I need you to not blame yourself ever for what happened. You did everything you could to protect me and I did this in an attempt to protect you. I feel like this wasn't the first time Fred gets drunk and does stupid shit. I think this must have happened to you too..." I finally dare to look Lana in the face for a moment, and I see tears running down her face. I decide to continue talking while I try to suppress my own tears: "You don't have to take this, you should leave him and run for the hills." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I place my hand on her knee and look at her with sympathy in my eyes. I give her time to think about what she wants to say. My words came natural but this subject must be very hard on her./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I don't understand how you can be so cool about this and..." She shakes her head and tries to figure out what to say again. "I mean something horrible happened to you because of me and still..." "Don't you dare to do this. I told you, this is NOT your fault. Don't ever ever ever think it is because it's not. I will never think this is your fault. Fred's a horrible disgusting human being and he should be locked up far, far away from you. He shouldn't be allowed near you. I will forever be grateful that he didn't touch you that night because I saved you... That's something no one can take away from me. I saved you, not because you forced me but because I had to... because if I hadn't, I wouldn't be able to live with myself"./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You're my savior..." Her voice cracks and my heart breaks./span/p 


	21. Chapter 19

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You're my savior..." Her voice cracks and my heart breaks./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yours and only yours, Lana", I say to her. Lana looks at me with the same look Regina gave Henry. I want to know what she feels and what this look means. But instead of asking, I decide to press my body against hers. I reach up and touch her face lightly with the palm of my hand, caressing her face and smelling her scent. Ironically, she smells like apples and cinnamon. I lean in to kiss her and she moves back slightly. "Are you sure?" she inquires. "Absolutely", I reply. I lean in once more barely brushing my lips against her plump ones, adding more pressure by the second. She kisses me back immediately without hesitation. I lick her lower lip tasting her and ask for entrance to her mouth which she gladly permits. Our tongues battle for control, not roughly but gently as if they're following each other. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We lay down on the bed side by side kissing before Lana gathers me in her arms and pulls me impossibly closer. The need to feel her skin on mine grows exponentially. She starts to climb on top of me and hesitates. Her head slightly tilted as she looks at me, asking confirmation with her deep chocolate brown eyes. I nod to tell her it's okay and she straddles my thighs, starting to pull on the hem. I get the hint and I remove my shirt in one quick movement and throw it somewhere in the room, not paying attention to where it lands. She reaches around her back to her zipper but I stop her. I clumsily look for the zipper on her back and when I find it, I pull it down as slow as I can. I pull the dress over her head and leave her gloriously full and perky breasts exposed. The dress falls next to my (read: her) shirt. I sit up and reach for the clasp on my bra and undo it easily, revealing my pale bare chest to Lana. I self-consciously look down as she gasps. She can see the damage Fred made. I look up at her body and I see the absolute beauty before me in just a pair of lacey panties and I am just completely distracted from my previous thoughts. All I can think of is her. I look at her with an expression that reminds her I am waiting for her next move. She goes to unbutton my jeans and stops, looking at me with concern. I stare into those dark brown pools that I could swim in forever and nod my head granting her wish as she continues her pursuit of removing my pants. Pulling the legs of my pants off, she throws them in the pile with her dress on the carpeted floor, kicking them both off to the side. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana climbs back onto the bed and places a knee on either side of my thighs and begins to grind our pelvises together. It creates wonderful friction, sending jolts of superb sensations all over my body. It did hurt the first few seconds but that's all gone now. I hope she didn't notice. Leaning down she captures my lips once more, carefully rubbing her soft hands up and down my sides before trailing her lips down my neck and collarbone. Sucking and nibbling softly as she continues her journey down my body, causing me to shiver with pleasure. I whimper as she wanders toward my breasts, licking one with her soft tongue while softly kneading the other with her supple hand. She keeps her eyes on mine to make sure I am not in pain. There are teeth-marks on my boobs but she is gentle enough. The sensation is nothing like the horrible feelings Fred gave me. I moan and stroke her hair. She repeats the same motions to the other one as she kneads the opposite breast. Releasing my breast with a barely hearable pop she travels down towards my belly button dipping her tongue into the indention before nipping my hips. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you okay?" she mumbles huskily as she hooks her thumbs into the straps on my underwear playing with the waistband. "Hm-hm, more than okay", I answer her quietly not sure whether she hears me. As she acknowledges my answer, I grab her face lightly and pull her towards my lips. I am claiming them as mine once again, if only for a little while. We battle for dominance and she lets me win as I enter her mouth with my tongue, exploring her mouth thoroughly. She lets out a throaty moan. I flip her over onto her back and begin playing with her breasts, pinching and pulling her nipples lightly. "Oh my God yes!" she shouts into the room. I begin sucking and licking them a little roughly, but she doesn't seem to mind. She gazes down at me as I look at her and she states: "No I want you to come for me. I want tonight to be all about you." Pulling me back up towards her she gently holds my face an inch before hers, I can feel her breath tickling my lips and she says: "My God, you're so incredibly beautiful." Then she kisses me so thoroughly and so deeply that I can feel her affection in my bones. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Standing back up after leaving me breathless, she removes her dark black lacey panties excruciatingly slow. Too slow for me to handle. Looking at me with eyes blown black from lust and want, she glances at my white panties and back to my eyes. I give her the go ahead to rid me of them. Lifting the straps from my hips as I raise myself up to allow her to take my underwear all the way off. I blush when we both notice they stick to my center with arousal. She kisses my inner thighs, sucking, leaving light pink marks that will be gone by the time we are done making love. She glances up at me as she places herself in front of my core gazing at me curiously, wondering if it is ok for her to continue, I nod in anticipation./span/p 


	22. Chapter 20

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Taking the flat of her tongue she traces my folds softly, as to not injure me any further than Fred already had. I whisper: "It's ok, I'm ok, I won't break. And I want this more than you can ever imagine... If you hurt me I'll tell you, babe". She presses her tongue more firmly to my folds this time, circling my clit being careful to not place too much pressure on it. Licking from the bottom of my opening to my clit, she moans at the way I taste "My God you taste out of this world!" she exclaims. She had me gasping and moaning for more by flicking my clit a few times. As quickly as she was flicking my clit she stops and enters my core with her tongue deeply. I whimper at the sublime feeling of it all. Thrusting her tongue in and out a few times, gathering my juices every time, she starts bumping her nose on my clit every time she enters me. I squeal with delight causing her to stop abruptly. "Are you ok? Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?" she asks. "No, no you d-didn't...p-please don't s-stop!" I beg loudly as it echoes through the room. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"She goes back to work sucking on my clit. This time causing me to arch my back and wiggle my hips uncontrollably. She places a hand firmly on my stomach to keep me from bucking into her face more than I already have. She then enters me with one finger very slowly, watching for any discomfort in my face. Moving in and out she carefully thrusts her slender finger into me over and over again before adding another as she keeps sucking gently on my clit. I gasp again with uncontrollable need, "Oh my! Yes! Please, keep going! Harder! I'm almost there!" Picking up the pace, she is now thrusting harder. She then grazes her teeth across my clit sending me into paradise. I can feel my orgasm building quickly as I moan "Oh my God! I'm gonna... ! I'm c-coming!" I can tell my walls are fluttering around her fingers as fireworks begin to explode behind my eyes causing things to become hazy and tingly. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"She removes her fingers and sucks on them. She looks so hot, cleaning all my juices from them. She climbs up my body and places a deep, hungry kiss on my lips before she collapses at my side. As sleep threatens to take us, she says: "I'm still incredibly sorry for what happened to you and I promise to make it up to you any way I can". She grabs the covers and places them over us both. Lana cuddles up behind me, playing the big spoon to my little spoon. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"SpoonQueen/em, I think for a split second. I smile out of happiness. As we succumb to sleep, she pulls me tightly to her with her arm around my waist her front against my back. The last thing she says is: "I'll be here for you when you want to talk but let's sleep for a while, ok?" I just mumble an "uhu" before we both drift off./span/p 


	23. Chapter 21

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I wake up screaming out of fear. I had a horrible nightmare, reliving everything that happened with Fred. Lana wakes up from my screaming. She sits up, disorientated and looks at me with a look of fear. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Are you okay?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""No... Yeah... Sorry... I just..." Tears running down my face, my hands pulling on my own hair trying to get the thoughts out of my head. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's like Lana sees what I'm thinking and she pulls me in her arms. I don't know what I want... I want her to hold me, but I can't stand the feeling of being touched. I tell her I should go home. We didn't really talk about my parents, but she knows it's a sensitive subject. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I push her off of me, I am feeling so much things at the same time. I need some time to think clearly, and Lana has to leave soon too. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel like I should at least say goodbye to her in a decent way, but I don't know how to do that. I get up from bed and realize I don't have any clothes on. Then I remember what has happened the night before and I cover myself with a t-shirt. It seems to be Lana's Yoda t-shirt she wore the day before. Lana looks at me with big eyes and tells me I can have it if I want to. I nod, look for my underwear on the floor and put it on. I look in my suitcase and pull out a pair of socks and pair of pants. She tells me I can have her shoes too, she doesn't need them back. We still haven't spoken since I got out of bed. I put her shoes on and start crying when I can't manage to tie my laces. "Shhht", Lana says as she gets out of bed. She's completely naked, guides me to sit on the bed and starts tying my laces. I caress her cheek and she looks up at me. "Are you all right?", Lana asks again, her voice soft and caring. "I am now", I answer. I look at her pretty chocolate eyes. I smile at her. I really sincerely smile at her. "I think I'm going to be all right... Someday..."/span/p 


	24. Chapter 22

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Did you tell anyone?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What?", Lana asks./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Did you tell anyone?", I repeat./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You mean about what happened with Fred?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Hearing his name feels like a knife in my heart. "Yeah", I whisper./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Euh... I told Bex and Emilie. I mean, they met you. Bex knew before she saw you but we share everything. She knew about what went down with me and Fred and she was worried when I came in and had a breakdown after that night", Lana started rambling. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I turn to look at her. I'm glad we're having this conversation while we're fully clothed. I told her it's all right. I feel hurt, but I am glad I'm not alone. She's supporting me in a way. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Can I kiss you?", I ask suddenly./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Is that what you want?", Lana asks in return. I nod. She nods back. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I walk towards her slowly and wrap my arms around her. I unite our lips softly. I feel her kissing me back instantly. She wraps her hands around my waist and gently pulls me closer. We continue kissing slowly and innocently. When she tilts her head to deepen the kiss, I pull back. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I walk backwards and tell her I still have to pack and drive back home. She asks me if she has to help with anything. "No, it's totally fine", I say./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I start grabbing my clothes from the floor and put them in my suitcase. I don't take the time to fold them or anything and I decide to take a shower at home so I can leave this place. Don't get me wrong, I loved my time with Lana but there's so much to think about. Way too much to think about. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana grabs my wrist when I am closing my suitcase. "I'm sorry..." I look at her and her face looks blurry. I seem to be crying... again. "No, don't say that. It makes me think about it too much. I have to leave and get some time alone. I mean, not that I don't like you, I obviously do, it's just... It's too much right now for me to handle."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You have my number, I hang it on the wall where I left Thomas' number too. You can always reach me on that number. I will make time for you. You are not alone, you have me now."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Thank you", I say, closing my suitcase and putting it on its wheels. I kiss her softly and caress her face one more time. She pulls me close again and kisses back./span/p 


	25. Chapter 23

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We are outside, by my car. Thomas is there too, Lana called him a couple minutes ago and he came right away. I hug Thomas and thank him for everything. "My pleasure, ma'am", he says, awkwardly holding me in return. I break the hug and walk towards Lana who has tears in her eyes. She kisses my head and reaches out for a hug. I hold her tightly. "I love you", she whispers. I feel tears running down my cheek. "I'm going to miss you", I say, avoiding the L-word. She breaks the hug and kisses me on the lips. It was a passionate kiss with so many feelings. "Goodbye, Lana", I say, breaking the kiss and grabbing her hand. "We will meet again, one day. I promise", I add./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I am sure we will, darling..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I get in my car, and drive away. Looking in my mirror seeing Lana wave softly. I leave the parking space and set course to Belgium./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I realize I am wearing some of Lana's clothes. I feel like it's some sort of evidence of what happened. I still feel sick when I think back. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"Did I make a mistake coming here? I shouldn't have done it... But there's nothing I can do to take it back.../em/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I put "Til It Happens To You" by Lady Gaga on repeat and I'm planning on keeping this song playing for the rest of my 4 hour drive (because I'm not planning on stopping). Nothing much happened, only a lot of thinking from my part. The drive home gives me a lot of time to think about everything. I still smell like Lana so I am enormously glad my parents are not home when I arrive. I decide to take a shower, I have to go to school tomorrow. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"This is going to be a long week.../span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I take my phone out when I'm getting ready to take a shower. I open both Twitter and Facebook. On Twitter, there's a picture of Lana holding me and wiping my tear away. On Facebook, there are so many posts saying: "Who's this girl?" or "Look at this, someone knows anything?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sigh, em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"this is indeed going to be a long week/em, I think when I realize I am crying again./span/p 


	26. Chapter 24

p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I didn't get my period... Shit. /span/em/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I forgot to take my pill when I spent the night at Lana's hotel and the day after. I didn't think too much of it then... But now it gets me scared./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's been two months since that day. When I stopped taking my pill, nothing happened. I didn't restart taking it. I am still waiting for them to come but every day the chances are getting slimmer. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I have spent a couple of hours in a store looking at pregnancy tests, but I was too afraid to buy one. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Now I feel like I have to know. I am driving to the store again, this time convinced I am going to buy one. I stand there, in the store. It feels like everyone is looking at me. I take a test with shaking hands. I don't dare to look at the girl behind the counter, and I pay cash instead of with my card. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I get home and I decide to take the test. While waiting, I flashback to the past month. My parents didn't really notice the fact that I went to the convention. We have been fighting more lately. I don't know what they're going to do if this test comes out positive. I am afraid. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The waiting takes way too long and every second I'm getting more and more scared... /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's time... it's time to look at the test. I know the results, but it's going to be a whole other thing to see the confirmation. I look at it and indeed there's a tiny "+" on the test. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I slide down the bathroom wall, wondering what the flying fuck I am going to do next.../span/p 


	27. Chapter 25

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I am out of options... My parents kicked me out as soon as I told them I was pregnant. I waited 3 months before I told them, after I found out. I have been living on my own for the past month. My belly is really showing already and I'm tired all the time. I feel people staring at me when I walk down the streets and I feel like people in general look at me differently. I used a lot of my savings trying to get ready to give this baby the best shot in life. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Shit seems so unreal... I'm about to become a fucking mother to a baby who wasn't supposed to exist. A result of being raped. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I grab my laptop, sit down on my bed and start to google. I am looking for a convention to see Lana again. I am really out of options. I feel like this is something I cannot tell her over the phone and I kind of lost her phone number. I also have seen a couple of pictures of her and Fred lately so I have to confront her./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's difficult to just get up and leave here, but it's my only option. I need some support. I touch my belly again, feeling a little kick out of this little person. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I take this as a push into the direction I am going in. I decide to book a ticket to leave for Burbank in November. I also book tickets to the convention. Money is no problem for me, but I just need some mental support, I can't raise this kid on my own./span/p 


	28. Chapter 26

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The flight passed good enough. This isn't my first time on a long flight. I went to Bali with my parents when I was in high school. I get so much time overthinking everything I will say. When the pilot announces the decent, I realize I still have no idea what the hell I will be telling her./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The day before the convention is hell, it's a day I spent sleeping, eating and thinking. I bought an autograph with Lana to get the chance to speak to her again. It's gonna be a couple of seconds, but like that I will at least be able to show her what happened and tell her Fred got me pregnant. Well, not in those words, since there will probably be a lot of people around. Maybe she wants to give me her phone number again, so we can just meet up or something. I have no idea how she will react, nor how I should react. I just know I have to do this. I am so concerned. I can't decide if I want to go home or if I want this to be over. I have been thinking so much lately, that I am in line for the autograph before I know it.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I am very scared meeting Lana for the second time. After what happened last time I saw her, in Paris, I don't know what she would do when she sees me again. I am feeling totally uncomfortable when I get closer to her. She sees me, I know she recognized me. I see it in her eyes. I close my jacket to give me some protection. When I get to her, I see her looking at me. I lean over the table and whisper we need to talk. She looks at me in total disbelief and shock. She grabs my hand and taks me out of the room, followed by a booing sound coming from some people in /"I believe we do, dear, I believe we do..."/span/p 


	29. Chapter 27

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I am sorry I just showed up like this, I wanted to call but I lost your phone number..." I ramble, only to shut up when Lana wraps her arms around me and starts crying. I freeze for a split second before I return the hug, getting lost in a warm and genuine embrace I have been seeking since we said goodbye. I move closer, only noticing my belly is already touching hers. The little one is stuck between us, it starts kicking Lana's stomach. She freezes and breaks our embrace. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""It's... It's his isn't it?" I nod with tears in my eyes. Seeing her so emotional is just heartbreaking. I see her discomfort, so I take her hand and put it on my belly. The little one kicks Lana's hand and I see Lana starting to smile a little through her tears. "I missed you, baby", I whisper. "I missed you too, darling", she whispers back. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We hug again, a little longer this time. Without any interruption of the little pea this time. It is me who breaks the hug this second time around: "You should get back in there to finish the autographs, people won't be happy if you stay here for so long..." "You're right, I believe... Maybe you can stay here and we can just... I don't know... talk when I am finished?" I realize she must have gotten in trouble for those pictures of us that were posted online. Maybe she had some trouble with Fred as well... I shiver. Lana is looking at me, waiting for an answer. I nod, telling her I will stay here until she will be back. Jokingly, I warn her I will have to go pee a couple of times, which earns me a concerned look and a shy nod. Lana leaves while I sit down on a chair in the hallway. My back hurts and I feel tired. em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"The baby seems to be awake/em, I think while I put my hands on my belly for what feels like the millionth time today. "Everything will be okay, little one, I will protect you..." I whisper down to my belly. The little one calms down immediately. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What are you doing here?", I hear a voice ask me. I look up and see a security guy looking down at me. "I... euh... I am a friend of Lana's and she told me to wait here. You can ask her if you want to... I mean no harm or anything..." He frowns, but doesn't ask me any more questions. I assume he was startled that I am friends with Lana and doesn't wanna get in trouble for being mean to me. He leaves through the same door Lana went through a couple minutes ago. When he returns, he apologizes for startling me and wishes me a good day. I see him talking through his walkie-talkie while he leaves and he glares back at me one more time before going through a door at the end of the hallway. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Tiredness hits me once again, and I decide it won't be a bad thing to give in to it for a couple of minutes. I put my head against the wall and allow myself to slowly drift off to Dreamland./span/p 


	30. Chapter 28

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Baby?", I hear a familiar sweet voice ask. I open my eyes into Lana's and rub the sleep out of my eyes. "Hmmm yeah?" my voice sounds throatily. I hear Lana's honeysweet voice. This sound waking me up makes me feel completely happy. span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanLana helps me stand up, my legs still sleeping, she has to catch me. "Are you okay?" "Yeah, baby, I'm fine". I feel sleep-drunk, I'm pretty sure I also sound like that./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Lana, can I at least get a kiss? I missed you so much...", I beg her to kiss me, my face expression desperate. "Thought you'd never ask", she answers and presses her lips close to mine. I shift my head a little so our lips can move more freely. Her hands move to my back and down my spine. I softly lick her plumb lips. I missed her so much, I missed her smell, her taste and her sweetness. She opens her mouth to grant me entrance to her lovely mouth. Her taste explodes on my tongue when we continue French kissing. For the first time in months I just feel at home. I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel like I'm flying, being so close to Lana. It feels so weird, I came from being a Oncer and an Evil Regal... I am now so close to Lana, something that seemed so impossible... But now I am pregnant and totally in love with her. Even more than I already was before I met her. It's so surreal. We were meant to be together. And even though we were forced to be in this situation, it seems like it was fate's work./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"To be honest, this is the first time I actually made the mental connection between thé Lana Parrilla and the person I fell in love with... Wow... this is the first time I actually mentally made this note. I love her. I fell in love with her. I think I did in Paris... This girl who soothed me when I was in pain, when I was a shell. I am still recovering and every time I look down I am being reminded of the horrible thing that happened. It still hurts. But as long as I am being honest, if I could go back, I would still put myself in the same situation. It might not be perfect, but the way I feel in Lana's arms... That's just perfect... My life does feel good, even though I am in so much trouble./span/p 


	31. Chapter 29

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Do you want to come to my hotel with me?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""To be totally fair, I only booked my hotel room until tonight..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""So you kind of expected me to ask you this?", Lana asks while she bumps her hip into mine. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I never expected anything... I just thought that if the possibility was there, I wasn't going to spend money on a hotel room I won't use..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Smart girl", she winks./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You make me so damn happy, do you know that?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I pull her close again, wrap my hands around her neck and look her in the eyes. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You start to grow on me as well...", she says with a wicked on her face. I smile at her, shake my head and role my eyes. "I still love you, Maria", she whispers./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Tears start running down my face. I burry my head in her hair and smell it. "You smell awesome..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""... and I love you too"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Our hug lasts for so long. It feels like ages. But not in a bad way. I feel at home. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hmm, let's go to the hotel, darling", Lana says with a husky voice./span/p 


	32. Chapter 30

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Ugh can I wash my face anywhere? I feel like a baby with all these tears..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Well, you do include a baby...", she says with laughter./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Lana, what's gotten into you today? You keep joking around!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm sorry... I am like this most of the time. Last time I was just...", her eyes cloud as she flashbacks to the time we spent in Paris: "I wasn't myself because of what happened. I do believe we should sit down and seriously talk about this."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I agree... but first I'm going to wash my face. The bathroom is that way I assume?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana nods, tells me I can make myself at home. Thanking her, I make my way into the bathroom. I close the door behind me and lock it. My reflection looks like a ghost. I have teary eyes and red spots all over my face. I also look tired. I take a washing cloth and put it under cold water. I wipe my face with it and the area around my eyes hurts. I decide to go pee before I wipe my face again. I seem to look better already. I clean the sink and leave the bathroom. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana's sitting on the bed. She taps the place next to me. "Come here, time to talk about things... Seriously..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I know it's time for that. We have a lot to discuss... But shouldn't you sleep? I mean you still have a long day tomorrow..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I can take it, this is important. I thought I'd never get this chance. And seeing you like this, I'm pretty sure you want to talk too. Or are you too tired?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""No, it's fine with me", I say sitting next to her. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Okay, Maria. We have to talk about the future, about us. This is going to be a long and hard conversation."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I know. We have to."/span/p 


	33. Chapter 31

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Can I ask you something first?", I look Lana into her eyes./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yes sure, go ahead. I'll answer every question you have."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you still seeing Fred? I have been seeing some pictures of you and him after what happened in Paris..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm not seeing him. We broke up then and there. The only times I have seen him was when I wanted to see his kids. I have a good relationship with his sons. They are like my own kids. I can't leave them behind because of what happened between him and me. The pictures you have seen were when I was with his kids and him too. We haven't had contact anymore. The speculations about our break-up are everywhere, but I haven't confirmed it or anything... Because... I don't know why. I just feel worried. About what he'll do. I mean we have been living together and I'm scared he will blackmail me even more than he is now. He threatens to take the kids away from me if we had a public break-up. Or if I tell anyone what happened. But I made it totally clear that he won't be touching me anymore. And he has kept his word when he said he wouldn't."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Okay, that's good news. I kind of felt worried... and I felt bad, because I thought that you were still together. I don't know why. I just feel jealous."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I understand. Now that's cleared. And by the way, you should never feel jealous. I have been thinking about you and only you."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Same here."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""That's good," she says with a warm smile: "maybe you can tell me a little more about how your life has been..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sigh: "I have had some troubles... I am staying in my student room permanently since my parents kicked me out. The only thing I see from them is my allowance every month and money to buy food every week. It has been a struggle... I haven't seen my dog in what feels like forever. And I haven't had a proper hug in months. That's why I feel so good to be here with you. It feels like home. You feel like home... I'm sorry... I see all those other students there stare at me and it was hard to tell at the university. We are a little group and since I study theology, it was hard to tell them about the pregnancy. They also know I am gay so it brought up a lot of questions. They can't help me much though. They all have their own personal lives. They're a lot older than I am, they have their own families, most of them are married... It's hard... I'm all alone."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You're not alone. You will never be alone again. I'm so sorry for what has happened."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""And the baby... I mean I do have the money, but I can't stand being alone all the time. I know it'll be better when the little one will get here, but sometimes I need some mental support. Know I can't ask you to be there for us because of your acting and all that, so I won't. I mean I am not your responsibility."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I was hoping you were... I already told you in Paris, I love you. So when I saw you here, I was hoping we could actually be together. It will be hard, because we will be apart for a while. But what I am trying to say is: will you be my girlfriend?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Are you serious?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yes I am."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'd love to...", I say, my voice suddenly shaking./span/p 


	34. Chapter 32

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Come on, let's head to bed", I propose. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You'd like that won't you?", she says with the wicked smirk I start to adore./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'm sorry, since I am pregnant I am so damn horny, even more than before. It's unbelievable..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I kind of like it though...", that smirk still on her face./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I sigh with a shy smile. I crawl into her lap and pull her close. She lies down while holding me close. I suddenly lie on top of her. She hums and I see this as a sign to kiss her. Our lips unite as if they belong together. My hands reach under her shirt as I lose myself in this kiss. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Before I dare to continue I break contact for only a second. Oxygen became a problem anyhow. "This is what you want too, right?", I say making sure there are no misunderstandings. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""More than anything", Lana says in a voice I never heard. I saw her act so many times, she's great with her voice. But this... this is something else. This is pure, raw. I can feel how horny she is. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Great", I say right before our lips clash together again. I feel her tongue on my lips. I slightly part my lips and get surprised by her honey-sweet taste. I play with her right nipple under her bra. She starts squirming underneath me. I sit up on my knees and take my shirt off. Her hands slide over my belly. This feels even more intimate than our passionate kiss. I play with the *like the lowest part of her shirt... what's that called?* of her shirt. She puts her hands over her head and lets me take her shirt off. Her expensive blue silk bra is a strong contrast to my black sports bra (bought at Lidl). "Hmm, good thing it has a zipper", Lana half-says-half-moans. She reaches for that zipper but I stop her. I get off of her and I hear her complain. I get off of the bed and pull my pants down. Lana follows the example and takes hers off too. Her thong matches her bra. Mine doesn't. I'm wearing my Hello Kitty boxers. I see her laugh at it. "Hey! I'm pregnant, give me a break", I say, faking being offended. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I didn't say anything", she raises her two hands, trying to convince me of her innocence. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You didn't have to, your face said it all..." /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Then what does my face tell you now", she says with her wicked grin./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I tells me to do this", I say quickly pushing her bra up and licking her left nipple. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana gasps. She puts one hand on my upper back and one hand on my head. I softly nibble on it for a while before giving attention to her right one. I try look at her face, but I can't see it. She throws her head back, holding me tight. I hum softly to get her attention, as I follow an invisible trail of kisses down her stomach. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I get to her panties and I pull them down her long legs, I nonchalantly throw them across the room. Hooking my arms around her hips, I dive into her center with enthusiasm. My first time (not counting the incident with Fred) is actually going to be with Lana Parrilla... She gasps for air. I flick and nibble her clit before entering her with two fingers. I start thrusting in and out of her starting slowly. When I see her reaction, I pick up the pace. Feeling her writhing around on the bed, I hold her down with one hand as I continue to pump into her with the other. I start to feel her clench around my fingers as I find it harder and harder to thrust into her. She grasps my head tighter, almost painfully as she suddenly stiffens and arches her back in ecstasy. "Ma-Mariahh!" She cries then goes limp on the bed. I crawl up her body back to her face and kiss her passionately./span/p 


	35. Chapter 33

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You're good", Lana says, still trying to catch her breath. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""No idea, you're my first", I say deliberately not making eye contact./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Really? I wouldn't have guessed... I really love you, you know."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I love you too..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Now let me take care of you, my love"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""If you insist, darling...", I say, shyly looking at her with a small grin/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana laughs, gently rubbing my back. "Now let us get you out of that bra...", she says, undoing the zipper on my bra. I pull it off at the back. She flips us and pulls my boxers off. I'm glad I don't have Hello Kitty on my body anymore. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I crawl up to the head of the bed to be able to look at her over my belly. Lana throws my underwear away and crawls to me. She kisses me and puts her hands on my belly and rubs it gently. The little one kicks her hands as we continue kissing passionately. She slowly moves her hands to my boobs. As our lips part, we catch our breath as we look in each other's eyes. Lana's face gets that wonderful grin on her face as she moves down my body. She kisses a trail down to my core. I feel how turned on I am. It's unbelievable./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana teases me by kissing my inner thighs. I put my hand in her dark hair. I think of guiding her closer to my core, but I decide otherwise. I let her work her own magic. I almost feel like I am about to lose my mind. Lana finally reaches my clit and starts licking me. It feels amazing. If perfection existed, this would be it. My breath hitches which makes Lana smile. I can't describe the feeling of her laughter to my core. She sucks my clit in her mouth and flickers her tongue on it. Before I know it, she pushes a finger inside me. That makes me grab a fistful of hair and hang on to it for dear life. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Her finger thrusts in and out of me a couple of times before adding another finger. I moan loudly, begging her to continue. Squirming under her touch, I feel my body tense. My heart races and continuously skips a couple of beats. "Lana, please", I shout before my brain completely loses control of my body. I have the most awesome orgasm you could imagine. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I fucking love you", I say trying to catch my breath. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I love you too", she answers, putting a stray hair behind my ear and kissing me slowly./span/p 


	36. Chapter 34

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The next morning, I wake up because of Lana's alarm. She turns it off as soon as possible, but I am still up. I turn over and look at her with sleepy eyes. "Hi, love", I say with a sleepy voice. "Hey, babe", she says. She kisses my forehead and gets out of bed. I look at her while she gets dressed. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Do you still want to get out of the bed?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yeah... Sure... As long as I can be with you...", I look at her smiling./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We went to bed last night and we both woke up in the middle of the night. We stayed up talking for hours. We talked about Fred some more and we just got to know each other. I told her about my family. I always love the face other people get when I tell them my (half)sister is only 1,5 years younger than my mother. Also, my grandmother is younger than my father. That's just a mind-fuck to others. I explained it all. She was a great listener and she asked the right questions. We also talked about her family and her life before we met and before she got famous. I loved to hear her story. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel like we know each other for years... I feel like we are meant to be. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"After a couple of minutes of thinking, I get out of bed and get dressed. Lana is already dressed and ready to go. She's waiting for me. I dress myself as soon as possible while Lana patiently waits for me. She spends the time talking about the conventions she's already been through and the people she met there. I love to listen to her. She has something magical and her stories sound so exciting. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I'm finished and went to the bathroom, we leave to go to the convention. The driver greets me politely and Lana says his name is Ricardo. He doesn't look like Thomas, he is way older and smaller. If only Thomas was here too. I miss him. I make a mental note to ask her how Thomas is. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We get in the car and drive to the convention. I give Lana some looks full of love. She grabs my hand and puts her head on my shoulder. For the millionth time in the past two days, I feel like the happiest girl in the entire world./span/p 


	37. Chapter 35

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The convention passed quickly, and the night we spent afterwards was magical. Lana came up with the idea to spend a couple more days in Burbank. We were just going to hang around and talk some more. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It felt like the entire week passed with the blink of an eye. Lana decided to join me back to Belgium./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"That's why we're at the airport. People who spot Lana are all over her. They are taking pictures and asking her for autographs. She declines. She holds my hand tightly and pulls me as close as possible. I am so stressed out. Good thing I put on a loose t-shirt and a big coat. Like this people won't notice my pregnancy. I mean, I am not going to hide it, but I don't want them to notice me too hard. I hear someone ask who I am. Other people start shouting the same question. Lana ignores it and I stay quiet too. I hide my face in my coat and walk closer to Lana, if that's even possible. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Shush, it's okay", Lana tries to ease me. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Let's just get out of here... Please?", I almost beg her./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yeah, let's just try to hurry this thing up", Lana answers. She takes me to the person who's taking our suitcases in front of us and asks him if we could leave any time soon. He apologetically explains we must wait a while before we can get in. We decide to stand in line and two security people stand besides us. I put my hand around Lana's waist and she pulls me close. "I can't wait to kiss the hell out of you...", she whispers in my ear. I moan softly in her hair: "I want that too..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The wait took a little while, but at least I could be close to Lana. Right now, we are on our way to the gate. Lana and I only decided a few days ago that she would be going to Belgium together and talk to my parents. They should get the details about me and Lana. Even though they kicked me out, I am still their daughter. I hope that will be enough for them... I mean, little pea should know its grandparents, right? It is kind of nerve-wrecking that Lana will be meeting my parents. I mean, she's not only my girlfriend now, but she's also the (ex-!)wife of the person who raped me. This will be somehow troubling. My parents wouldn't even let me explain anything about my pregnancy, they don't even know I was raped. This is going to be some hell of a week. But on the bright side: I have my girlfriend (this is going to need some getting-used-to) with me./span/p 


	38. Chapter 36

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The plane-flight was so pleasant. The people around us didn't know Lana. So we could just chill, talk and play around a little. During the night-time where the lights were dimmed, we even kissed. It felt awesome to just be able to do that with her. It felt like I was flying, even though we obviously were... You know what I mean.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Right now, we are at the baggage claim area. Lana and I are surrounded by security people. Lana and I flew to Amsterdam. She promised me she would stay with me for a while, so I am extremely happy. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When I told her I had a doctor's appointment in a couple of days, she wanted to join me without a doubt. We talked about Fred and about his rights to this baby. We decided he wasn't allowed near her. I mean, not like I want him to, he's no father to this child. He raped me, he's no father material and he will never be able to be around her because it's just not safe. Little bean will have enough love from just me... and maybe also a bit of Lana. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"em style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But enough thinking, let's just enjoy the moments we spend together/span/emspan lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;", I think. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I look over to Lana, who is sleeping with her head on the window. I just spend a couple of minutes taking in this picture. She looks so perfect, her hair sticking to the window, her mouth slightly open to breathe while she's sleeping. Her hands are resting on her lap and her legs are crossed. I observe how her chest rhythmically rises and falls. She has never looked so beautiful to me. It is like we are a normal couple, but we are not. We have been brought together because of Fred, and now we are stuck in a situation where we shouldn't even be in. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But we are making the best of it. She has accepted me and all my decisions with the first look she's given me at the convention. I hope she doesn't just stay with me because she feels bad about the entire situation. My hands go to my belly, and I start whispering to the little one. "Hi baby, this is your second plane-flight. Even though you will not remember this later on, this is a moment where I know you are happy. You're awake and I hope you can hear me..." My thumbs are caressing my belly. "I love you more than words can express and I promise to God, I will give you everything. I will make sure you are the happiest kid in the entire world, little one. I will make sure of that. I'll give you all the love in the world, little bean."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I feel a hand on my knee and I look up. I see Lana with tears in her eyes. That makes my eyes water as well. She heard everything. I rest my head on her shoulder and she kisses my hair. "I love you", she whispers in my ear./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I love you too", I say. My life feels so complete and perfect with those words./span/p 


	39. Chapter 37

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Maria, it's our turn", Lana says, waking me from my thoughts./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Sorry, I was distracted, let's go...", I nervously answer./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Hand-in-hand we walk to the office we are directed to. We enter the little room with an examination chair in the middle. The nurse tells me to sit down in it and tells Lana she can sit down in a chair next to it. I tell the nurse she doesn't speak Dutch and I translate for her. Lana sits down as I asked her and so do I. The doctor enters the room and asks me to lift my shirt. She asks if I have any questions. "When will we know the gender?", I ask. "Well, after today, I'll be able to tell you, would you like to know?" I do and Lana and I talked about this. We really want to know the gender of this little bean. Would be easier to refer to 'him' or 'her' instead of 'it'. And we can start picking our baby's name. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""We do want to know", I answer./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I already explained in an earlier appointment that I was raped and that this baby was a result of that. I was examined and the results came back that both the baby as myself were healthy. I hope for the same results this time... /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The examination was long and Lana calmed me down when I got stressed. We are now waiting for the results to come back. "Congratulations, your little girl is very healthy and growing perfectly!", the doctor says, entering the room. I feel tears running down my face and I look at Lana who's having the same reaction. She gets up and hugs me tightly. "I am so happy", I say to her. "So am I, darling, So am I..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"With the happiest feeling of all, we walk to the car. We get ready for name-picking of our little girl./span/p 


	40. Chapter 38

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"My due-date is only a couple of weeks away. Lana has flown up-and-down to America a lot lately. She has to do a lot for Once Upon A Time. We came out as a couple a while ago. Twitter exploded with our ship-name #Mariana and my twitter blew up as well. I suddenly have become popular and now I have to think about what I post all the time. The positive thing about this is that Flana is officially over. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Even though I had to miss Lana a lot lately, she has made some time to talk to my parents today. We are now driving to my house. I missed my little dog so much. And my parents too if I have to be honest. "Are you nervous?" Lana asks. "Well, yeah... I don't know how they will react or anything..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The drive takes ages. When we're finally there, Lana holds me tight. "It's going to be all right. Just breathe", she tries to comfort me. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Thanks babe", I say. The nerves still hearable in my voice. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We walk to the front door, I just want to hide and cry. When I touch the doorbell and hear the familiar ring, I grab onto Lana's hand and hold it tight. The dogs seem to be inside the house because I hear them barking. My heart races when I hear the keys being put in the lock. The door opens and my mom appears. "What are you doing here?", she asks. But she lets me in anyhow and hugs me. She gives Lana a hand and says hi. Lana introduces herself. My mom is surprised to hear Lana tell her she's Lana Parrilla. "I think it's time I explain everything..." I say to her./span/p 


	41. Chapter 39

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Coffee, please", Lana answers my mom's question to what she wants to drink. I asked for thee. I don't drink coffee because of my little girl. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"We are sitting in the living room. We only sit here when we have guests. I forgot to tell Lana my parents are rich. So we live in a big house. We have 3 showers, 4 toilets, a hot tub and a sauna. Not to mention our huge back-yard where our dogs can run around as much as they want. Everything looks picture-perfect which caused a lot of struggles when I still lived here. I am a little chaotic and I can cause a hurricane in the house. My parents can't take that. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"And about the money-part. We get everything we want. iPhones, laptops, clothes and everything. The only thing we don't get is love. My parents care more about money and material stuff than about emotional connection and family. Or at least that is the message that colored my childhood and adolescence. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's not like I don't love my parents, because I do. It's just hard... I did miss them though. And I can't wait for them to get to know Lana as my girlfriend. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana and I are sitting on the couch and my parents are sitting in the chairs across the room. I am explaining what happened in Paris. They are mad at me because I lied about not-going there. At the end of the conversation, the apologized for not listening to me when I wanted to explain. They thank Lana for standing up for me and for caring for me. I cry because I finally feel like they accept me. Mom and dad also invite me to move back in during the weekends. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"My little doggie missed me like hell. He jumps on the couch and sniffs me. He puts his front paws on my arm and licks my nose. I hug the hell out of my little boy and introduce him to Lana. She caresses his pretty head and talks to him. Simba sniffs my belly and licks my hands. He lies down on my lap and puts his head on my belly. It feels awesome to be so close to him again. I missed him so damn much! /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana and I decide to leave shortly after the good conversation with my parents. We have our own little home to care for. That is just ours. We love each other and we can use our privacy. Tomorrow we will be back to have dinner with my parents. I feel like everything is picture-perfect again./span/p 


	42. Chapter 40

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"It's my dog's birthday, so I'm at my parent's house. Lana is in America because she has a convention. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"At first, she didn't want to go, because it's my due-date as well, today I am 40 weeks along. My doctor said she didn't have to worry about that. I am with my parents and if everything works out well, she'll be here in time for the labor. If something happens, I will give her a call and she will catch the first plane out here. The people from the convention will not be happy if she cancels. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"So here I am, enormously pregnant, at my parents' house. I'm sitting on the floor; my dog barely fits in my lap anymore. I struggle to stand up when my dog leaves. I walk to the second living room and sit down in front of the tv. I turn it on and zap to MTV. 16 and pregnant is on. My little dog jumps on my chair as well and lies down with his little head on my belly. I feel tired and I'm in pain. I can't wait until my labor, because that means that I can just do normal stuff again. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But I also feel bad for thinking that since Lana is still in America. I hope I will not give birth until she's back. Those thoughts are only giving me more stress. But the feelings I've been having are horrible. I've been all over the place for months. I don't know why Lana didn't run for the hills months ago. She's still with me. I'm so happy with her. She's the most caring and loving person I've ever met. She's been so supportive for all those months and she's standing right beside me when I'm crying or when I'm mad at the world. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The little one is really giving me a hard time and I look like shit most of the time. I have to pee a million times a day. Normally I only have to pee like twice a day. So it's hard. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"All the flashbacks don't help me. Only my parents had a quite negative reaction. My friends and classmates were very excited for me. I went to university until a month ago. It was awesome to feel so supported by all of them. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But the most support of all, I get from Lana./span/p 


	43. Chapter 41

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Moooooooom!", I scream across the house. My mom comes running up the stairs. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""What's wrong, what's wrong?!", she screams, the horror is hearable in her voice. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I think my water just broke...", I say, staring down to my wet feet. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""WHAT? We are going to the hospital Did you make a bag?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yes, Lana and I did that a cou-... Oh my God... Lana is still in America... I have to call her..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Okay, I will get the bag and go get your shoes. Let's go!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I take my phone out and call Lana./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hi babe, are you all right?", I ask when she answers./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yes, I'm fine... Is there something wrong?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I... Is the convention almost over?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""No, it's Sunday morning here, I almost have to get up stage to do the panel... But you didn't answer my question, is there something wrong?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Well, sort of... I... My water just broke..."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Your WHAT? Oh my God, I knew I shouldn't have come here. Don't worry, baby, I will leave this place right now and I will drive straight to the airport to catch the first plane possible!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Thank you, and I'm so sorry for all of this... Just stay safe baby... I'll see you soon."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You stay safe too, babe. I'll be right there. Don't worry. Bye babe"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Bye", I say as I hang up and walk to my mother to get my shoes on and leave for the hospital./span/p 


	44. Chapter 42

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"As much as I thought I looked like shit when I was pregnant, being in labor looks even worse... Above that: waiting for Lana sucks like hell. I wish she was here right now to comfort me. I feel guilty for enforcing her to go there and now she has to rush back here for my labor. I mean, how big is the chance that you really give birth on your due date? Well, the positive thing is that my daughter will probably be as punctual as I am... I don't like to be late either... /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I am in so much pain and I just need Lana to tell me everything will be all right. She called me a couple minutes ago, telling me she arrived at the airport in Brussels and will be there in an hour. I can't wait for her to get here. The doctor told me it might take a couple hours for the baby to arrive. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The positive thing is that Lana will be in time to be there for the delivery... The negative thing on the other hand is that this pain will be going on for a couple more hours.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The fact that I know this will be totally worth it when she gets here, makes the pain seem less. I keep thinking positive thoughts. Or, I try to... /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Everything seems to take ages... After a hell of a wait, Lana arrives and walks straight to my bed. She takes me in her arms as much as it's possible and I just get lost in our embrace... "Don't worry, love, I'm here... It's okay", she says as tears start falling down my face. The emotions I feel are so intense. I feel sadness, fear, love, happiness and tiredness above all. I don't want to lose Lana... My biggest fear would be for her to take this baby away and raise her with Fred and leave me alone and broken.../span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But that will not happen. Lana isn't like that. She's sweet and caring and she will make a great second mother to the little one. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Before I know it, the doctor comes in and tells me it is time to start pushing... The baby will be here soon.../span/p 


	45. Chapter 43

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana leaves the room to get my parents. They are in the waiting room. I look into the prettiest brown eyes I have ever seen. They seem so honest, so full of trust. The love I feel is so absolute. It colors every part of my heart and soul. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana comes back into the room, followed by my parents and even my sister. I show them the little girl in my arms. "Everyone... meet the newest member of our family: Diana" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Sounds of amazement come from the people in the room. Lana already knew her name, but we kept it a secret for everyone. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I am so fully happy at this moment. I have my girlfriend by my side and my daughter in my arms. I'm also surrounded by my parents and my sister. My family feels complete. I am so in love with my life. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I can't wait to have a life with these people in it. I just feel... whole./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"The next day, the rest of my family comes by to see the new little member of the family. Everyone seemed to already love the little baby. It still feels hard to hand her over and just not have her with me all the time. But she is exhausting me and Lana too. Lana is a great mother, don't get me wrong, but at this point I am so exhausted that she can't seem to do anything right. I cry all the time, because of happiness and exhaustion. And Lana can't stand to hear nor see me cry because of how tired she is. She had a long flight and she has a jetlag. Combine that with a newborn and it causes a lot of frustration between us./span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"But when I see the way she looks at my daughter, at OUR daughter, I know that I love her. And we will make it through./span/p 


	46. Chapter 44

Diana is now almost two weeks old and our new house is already a fucking mess. We started moving in a couple weeks before she was born. We moved in right after we left the hospital. It's only a temporary solution, because this schedule is hell for Lana. She keeps flying around the world for her job. She has to, because she has that contract for Once.

I feel so special that she puts in so much effort. There have been times she only flew in for two days before she had to leave again. I can feel that Diana loves her too. She lights up when she sees Lana. And so does Lana. They fell in love as well. It makes my love for both of them only grow. We are a real family at this point.

Diana has been a handful though. She wakes up a million times a night and she asks a lot of attention. She reminds me of myself...

Lana and I have to talk though. We don't have time for that. That actually kind of sucks. We have to talk about our future. There are some very important questions to be answered. We have to figure out what we are going to do, because now that our little princess is here, we don't have so much time left. We have to settle down before Diana realizes it. That's because I moved to another country when I was little. I don't want her going through the same thing. I never fit in, not in the country I was born in nor in the one I was raised in. I'm a girl that's always stuck in between those two countries. I don't belong to either of them.

I have always hated that part of my story, so the last thing I want is giving the same kind of story to my daughter. She deserves better.

So we have to decide soon: will we stay in Belgium or the Netherlands or will we move to the USA... It's going to be a difficult discussion because it means one of us is going to give up almost everything.

If we stay in Europe, there won't be so much change for me, but Lana will most likely have to give up her job, her family, her friends. She will have to learn a new language and she will have to start over again. If we move to America, I'll be the one who's giving up everything. My family, my pets, my education and my language. Diana would be raised in English and not in Dutch.

There is no easy road. Thinking this through makes me realize that the things I have to give up, I would in order to have our family. The only thing I'm not ready to give up, is my dog. He's going to have to come with me. It's going to be rough, but I'm sure we'll be more than happy with our new life.

The only thing we still have to do, is talk this through and figure out every little detail.


	47. Chapter 45

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Welcome home, my love", I say with a sigh of relief. I am having a little help right now. Diana is really being a handful lately. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Hello, darling", Lana says. She gives me a kiss and a tight hug. She knows I need hugs more than kisses and she feels me relax in every embrace. "I missed you", she says, still holding me tight. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Diana starts crying in the other room, so I go and get her. She has a full diaper so she needs to be changed. I would want to do that right away, but the diapers are somewhere on the floor in the living room. As I said: the house is a total mess. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Lana, could you bring us a clean diaper? It's somewhere in the living room, I think they're near the couch!", I yell at her. A second later, Lana walks in with the bag of diapers. She smiles at the now calmed-down Diana. She looks like a total angel. Lana bows over Diana to kiss her forehead. "Hello, my little angel", she says with the sweetest voice ever. "I missed you so so much!"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"My heart melts on the spot, seeing Lana so involved never gets annoying nor boring. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"After changing the little girl, I put her down for another nap. She needs her rest as she keeps me awake most of the night. Lana and I leave the room and get into the living room. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""So, darling, let's talk", Lana starts the conversation as soon as I close Diana's door. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I agree, do you want some coffee?" /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yes, please"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I'll get you some", I say leaving for the kitchen. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"I had a Dolce Gusto at my place and we put it here so I can make Americano coffee. It's both our favorite flavor. I think about the upcoming conversation while I wait for both coffees. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"Lana is already in the living room and she's busy cleaning up when I enter with two mugs. /span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You don't have to do that, you've been busy all week, just take a rest", I beg her/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""But so have you, and you've been complaining about the mess for a couple weeks now, so it's no big deal to just clean this up in a couple of minutes. You can spoil me as much as you'd like when I'm done."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""You're the sweetest person on this earth, you know that right?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Yup", she says while she continues cleaning the room./span/p 


	48. Chapter 46

p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"When Lana and I (yes, I joined her) are done cleaning the living room, we sit down on the couch and drink our coffee. We sit there and enjoy each other's company for a while before I speak up: "Well, we should sort some stuff out for the future, don't you think?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I agree. We need to work something out before I break down from all those tiring flights."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I know it's not fair of me to ask you to do this. If it's too much, you should stay in America for a while. I don't want you tiring yourself over me and Diana. She has me, someone who cares for her 24/7 and yes I want you in her life, but not at that cost."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I just want to be there for you and for her. You two are my life. But indeed, it's becoming too much of a task for me to fly halfway over the world two times a week. We need to change this."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I know, and I've been thinking about moving to America. And I think I'm willing to raise Diana in America, away from my friends and family here. But there are some conditions I want you to agree on... It's not an easy decision and I want to make these things clear to both of us. First: I want to bring Simba since he is part of the family. Second: I still want Diana to learn Dutch and also speak it since it is an important part of her nationality and inheritance. Plus like that she will be able to communicate with my side of the family. And last: I want to move in 2 years, so not right away. I am busy trying to get my diploma here and I want to finish this before I move out there. That way I will have a diploma and I can find work there."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I totally agree. You've really thought this through. I'm glad you did that. Are you sure you want this? Because I am not forcing you to leave Europe."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""I want this. I want to be with you. You have done so much for both of us. I am so happy for that, but this is something I owe both you and Diana. I want her to grow up with both of us around."/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""That's lovely, darling. I want that too. So we will start planning the move in about a year so we can have everything prepared before you graduate. Deal?"/span/p  
p class="MsoNormal"span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;""Deal", I say smiling before I kiss the love of my life./span/p 


End file.
